He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
