Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
