The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
