Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
