I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So drunk its hurt
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
