Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
