Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
