I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
