I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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