No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
