I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize