I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Welp...herpes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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