She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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