ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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