So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
