walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize