how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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