Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
