last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
