i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
