Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
