i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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