I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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