I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
