My friends, they love my intelligence
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
