I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
