I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
