We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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