In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
