May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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