whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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