Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
