Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
