Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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