I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
