she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
