i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
