I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize