Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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