you didnt know i had herpes?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
