my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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