Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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