Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
