your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
