areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
kristin has been a bad kristin
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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