I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
