I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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