cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
