If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize