Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
