We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
