cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
