She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
