I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
