matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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