Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
