i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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