I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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