apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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