When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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