During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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