I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
