All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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