Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
