fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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