Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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