so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
