Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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